Biblical epics return!

(Sorry, nothing to do with security in this one.)

Hollywood has rediscovered the Bible as movie source material.  (Probably because it’s in the public domain, and saves costs.)

In production is “Noah,” which stars Russell Crowe as someone mumbling about God telling him to build a boat, and then beating up his neighbours when they make fun of him for it.

Steven Spielberg is supposed to direct “Gods and Kings,” about Moses.  Therefore it will star special effects, and probably have the tagline “I(sraels) C(hildren) Go Home!”

“The Redemption of Cain” is supposed to be Will Smith’s directorial debut, so Cain will probably turn Black and therefore become cool.

“Mary, Mother of Christ,” is being billed as a prequel to “The Passion of the Christ,” so will probably have the most violent Madonna ever.

Fox and Ridley Scott are working on “Exodus,” so it will probably be the most inaccurate Biblical epic ever filmed, and may star alien monsters.

(Just in case you think I’m making all of this up, it’s based on a report in the WSJ.)